Can’t the self Limiting word
How my dad Removed the words i Can’t from my system.
In my previous blog ” IMPOSSIBLE THE LIMITING WORD” I imparted to you how my father was on a particular mission to banish the words IMPOSSIBLE and Can’t out of my vocabulary. Being a devotee of great psychological techniques he had one that may appear merciless to some yet you should realize that NO HARM was ever intended. My father had a rather rough childhood. For the most part raised by his adoptive parent who made him work like a slave at an early age and not seeing his parents much because they were constantly away for work. I think it’s fair to say he developed an emotional callus and raised us the best way he know how. Being involved our lives was his desire being that he didn’t have much off that positive attention and support while he was growing up himself.
His methods may appear harsh yet i can guarantee you they are advanced with profitable lesson, lessons surely I benefitted from.
THE STORY CONTINUES
At the time of the past story we were all the while living in a wooden house in the back yard of my grandma’s home. My grandma’s home was very noisy because the entire family lived on the property. My parents, my brother and I lived in the back yard and in the main house lived my Grandmother, my auntie , my cousin and my two uncles. It was a tight knit family and as kid I would hang out a ton with my sibling, my cousins and the children from the neighborhood . The next door neighbors were an elderly couple, the man was a trader that would import fruits and vegetables to island and his wife was I believe an cleaning lady. In their yard they had this Grape tree that you would only find in the Caribbean. The tree had the sweetest grapes ever and when it was the season for grapes I would appear at their fence and politely ask as to whether I could enter their yard so I could pick a few grapes. I remember discovering that the best and sweetest grapes were at the highest point of the tree hanging directly over the roof. I realized that if I wanted the best and sweetest I would need to climb the tree and go get them . But there was one slight challenge. I had an absurd fear of heights. Recalling what my father had taught me I chose to be savvy and ask my brother to go and get the grapes for me. But my brother wasn’t an idiot at all and was actually very good at negotiating. He would consent to climbing the tree only if I would share the grapes with him. Hmm can you envision me not falling for it twice ? wahahah I needed to come up with an alternate solution. My options were getting slim and there was no other option then to go get them myself.
I don’t recall how I got to the Top I simply recollect concentrating on that one delicious bundle of grapes hanging at the very top, consoling myself that nothing would happen if my brother was in the tree with me. I realized that climbing the tree would be the easiest part of my task as long as I would keep my eye on the prize .
Tirelessness and determination got me to the top without a doubt however my “i will cross the bridge when i get there” attitude and my fear of heights are the things that in the end got me stuck. So There I was stuck at the top of my neighbor’s tree hanging over her roof shouting “ I can’t down “ terrified I would fall. Meanwhile my brother climb back down and tried to encourage me to climb down and much to his amusement. He decided to go get my dad when he saw it I wasn’t coming down anytime soon but not before he was done laughing.
Dad came out with a grin on his face ( he also thought it was rather amusing). Before he decided to get me out of the tree he thought he would ask a bunch of questions first. Like how did you get up there? And you climb back down the same way you climbed up. Seriously dad? Don’t you think if I really knew or even remembered how I got there that I would just do it? This force seem to be greater than me. So he climbed up the tree to get me out , shaking his head slightly disappointed because he believed that he raised courageous kids . He made it clear that he would make it his goal to free me from my fears by first expelling the words I can’t from your vocabulary. He said ” i will see to it that you never again allow tell yourself, allow me or any other person for that matter to tell you can’t do something “.
Not long after this incident we moved to the new house my father was building, by the way he built it with his bare hands. He designed a machine to make cement blocks himself and even created it was an exceptionally skilled welder. (this was the reason why look up to him, why he had so much credibility when he was teaching me about making the impossible possible ).
Teaching me never to say I CAN’T again
One day my brother and I were playing in the yard at our new home . While playing soccer the ball accidently landed on the rooftop. My brother was the first to go climb to the roof to fetch the ball and my father who was in his welding shop at that time, saw my brother on the roof top while I stood there waiting for him. He proceeded to call me over to where he was. He asked: why I didn’t go get that myself? Because I know that if I climb the roof I couldn’t come down I replied. I reminded him of the grape tree incident . He continued: Are you allowing your fear of heights to become your master?
To be honest I didn’t feel that it was such major deal at that time, it wasn’t that critical to me it was more a thing of being practical. So I answered yes I guess and went ahead with. My father left his shop to go inside the house snatched a favorite toy and decided to swing it on to the roof and went back to his shop. Again he called me over to tell me the news about what he had done. I was confused and more importantly not amused at all, he proceeded by challenging me to climb the roof if I really wanted my toy back. I didn’t think he was funny so I acted like I didn’t care until the next day. After a goodnight rest I decided to put my pride aside, I figured that my desire and drive to get my toy back should be as big as my desire to get back down on the ground safely and allowing my fear be greater than the goal was not the way. So I asked as to whether he could get the ladder so I can get my toy. As i was getting ready to climb the ladder he set the following rules; While you are going up repeat the words “ YES I CAN” Say it out loud with each step you take. And ponder on how great it will feel once you have your toy back. Hold on to the thought while climbing back down and take as much time as you need. Breath don’t look down . He warned me: in the event that I would hear you even say the words “ I Can’t “ then i will go back inside and abandon you right there no matter how long it takes it could be the next day it’s up to you.
Don’t parents do try this trick ?
Maybe you can relate but anytime your parents threaten you with leaving you behind you assume they are bluffing until they actually do.
So convinced he wouldn’t leave me, i did exactly what he asked me but coming back down the fear still got the best of me. Guess what….. at my first I Can’t my dad kept his promise turned around and left me almost half way up the ladder. Confused with disbelief what just happened i decided it was best to change my mindset asap because spending the night there on the roof was not appealing to me. And the fear of heights would be the least of my problems for I would have to deal with my fear of the dark.
From that day on I never ever said those words again without attempting first. Now years later I teach my son to always try and if you didn’t succeed the first time to try again and try harder. I realize that all my father was trying to do is Awaken the greatness inside. My Greatest and most valuable lesson
“NEVER LET FEAR BECOME YOUR MASTER”
Here is how you can start taking action
Start SIMPLE by finding alternative words to replace i can’t with . For example : I choose not to, i rather not, i don’t know how i can YET.
I hope this inspires you and empowers you on your journey and my bring light to you. It has done so for me. Like, Comment and Share
Sharing is caring